


13 Reasons Why [OUAT Edition]

by hopeduckling13



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV), Once Upon a Time (TV), Thirteen Reasons Why - Jay Asher
Genre: Angst, Death, F/M, Sad, Suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-23
Updated: 2017-08-01
Packaged: 2018-10-22 23:54:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10707798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hopeduckling13/pseuds/hopeduckling13
Summary: "You can't stop the future.You can't rewind the past.The only way to learn the secret....is to press Play."Once Upon A Time there was a little lost girl, who didn't think she mattered nor that she ever would. But eventually she found her family and people, that loved her.She still ended up dying though and there are  13 people, that she blames for her death.To let them know she recorded her life story on audiotapes and left them behind after her death for her boyfriend to find.[OUAT Version of 13 Reasons Why]





	1. Prologue

So this is based on a twitter video by @/jensfairytale

**Killian's POV**

I was just coming home from my Emma's funeral. I can't really call this home anymore though.

A few years ago I still believed, that the Jolly Rodger was the only home I need and revenge on Rumplestiltskin was my only happiness...all that changed when I met Emma though. She showed me, that I don't need to be a villain and that I can love again. She helped me move on from Milah and made me wanna be a better man.

The first moment I saw her, I realized, that she was gonna play an important role in my life. But until our first kiss in Neverland I never would've thought, that she would be that important to me. I never believed before that, that she would be my true love.

But I was wrong...

She is...was my true love. She made me believe in love by letting me fight for her heart. It wasn't easy, but I guess true love never is. It must be fought for, but it's worth it in the end so...I can't really complain. I wouldn't even complain, if Emma never opened up her heart to love again.

The journey already changed me and deep down I always knew, that she loved me. Even when she didn't even admit that to herself.

I'm grateful, that I got to know her...that I got to love her and that she loved me in return. Even though our love didn't last.

Emma Swan is dead. The Black Fairy killed her. She took my true love from me and I can never get her back since the sword, that killed Emma has the same powers as the Olympian Crystal. The power to obliterate, so I shouldn't even say, that my Swan's dead. She's just gone from my life...forever.

With that I decide to go to bed. I need sleep. Maybe it will make me forget for a moment, that Emma's gone. Maybe I'll get to see her one last time in my dreams.

But when I enter our bedroom there is something different about it. A weird box is sitting on our bed and I could've sworn, that it wasn't there this morning. I slowly approach the box and open it. In it are 7 of those weird music boxes, that Swan told me about a few days ago and a device to play them.

I take out one of the 'tapes', which is how Emma named them. It has a small 1 on it and a 2 on the other side.

What are those things? Who put them here and why?

I figure, that in order to find out, I have to listen to them, so I put them in the magic box with the word 'walkman' written on it and press play.

**So this will basically be Killian listening to the 13 tapes.**

 


	2. Cassette 1: Side A

_Hello. This is Emma Swan. Live and in stereo._

Killian almost stops breathing. This is the voice of his Swan. He never thought, that he would be able to hear her voice again, so he's almost crying out of happiness until he realizes, that his Swan is still gone and never coming back.

_I hope you're ready, because I'm about to tell you the story of my life. More specifically, why my life ended. And if you're listening to these tapes, you're one of the reasons why._

⏸️

Killian couldn't believe this. It broke his heart. He thought, that he knew Emma and that he loved her right, but obviously he was wrong. He failed her. He...He killed her, which is something he can't live with. He killed the woman he still loves without realizing it. And even though he now knows, that he's one of the reasons that she's dead, he can't seem to realize what he did that lead to her death.

Also it confuses him, that this sounds like Emma committed suicide while actually she was killed by the black fairy.

▶️

_I'm not saying which tape brings you into the story. But fear not, if you received this lovely little box, your name will pop up...I promise._

_The rules are pretty simple. There are only two. Rule number one: You listen. Number two: you pass it on. Unless of course the person on the tape after yours is dead. Then you skip that person and get it to the next._

⏸

That's probably how the box ended up back here. Killian obviously isn't the first person to listen to this. Emma must've given this to someone the day she died, which was 2 weeks ago. Killian will never be able to forget that day. It haunts him since he lost the person he loves the most.

He still sees her every night in his dreams. Or more precisely nightmares.

▶️

_Number 13...you get to keep those tapes. You can do with them whatever you want. Destroy them. Keep them. It's up to you._

_In case anyone is tempted to break the rules, understand that these tapes are protected by magic, so if you break a rule...you'll pay. I promise you that._

_Do not take me for granted...again._

⏸

Killian swallows hard again. It breaks him to hear that he failed her. He never meant to take her for granted. She was his whole world. She was the reason for him to stay alive. The light in his inner darkness. He won't become the man he was though. Then he'd fell like he failed her even more.

▶️

_I know this seems kind of weird coming from me...the tapes I mean. But I guess I just didn't wanna be forgotten and reliving my life kept me sane during the last hours of it._

_So...let's start. Are you ready, mom and dad? Congratulations. You're first on the list._

_You were the first people, that made me doubt myself as a kid. You failed me by abandoning me. I grew up on my own without love in my life because you guys decided to be heroes and wanted to save everyone._

_But did you ever think about the consequences of that?_

_You might have helped a lot of people, but in the process of that you hurt me. I've been alone my whole life because of you. You let that happen and it doesn't even seem to bother you._

⏸

Killian's heart broke for his Swan as her voice broke a little. She was obviously trying very hard to stay strong and this is only tape one. Killian doesn't know how he's supposed to make it through all 13 reasons without breaking completely.

But he won't stop listening. This seems to be important to Emma and he'd do anything for her. No matter what and no matter how hard it is. He won't give up on her just because she's gone.

▶️

_And you abandoning me as a baby is not even the only reason you're on these tapes. You failed me in other ways._

_Especially you, mom. You kept on hurting me after the curse was broken. I know, that you tried to be my mother, but you couldn't do it. Dad did, but it wasn't enough for me to keep fighting for my life, so I'm dead._

_I know for example, that you never trusted me, mom. There were so many occasions when you wouldn't have had to get a babysitter for Neal because you know I would've done it. I even offered you multiple times, but you always refused._

_It made me doubt myself as a mother. It's a reason for why I never decided to get Henry back even though deep down I wanted it. But because of your missing trust in me, I let him spend almost all his time at Reginas since I thought, that he's better off without me._

_Also I decided, that I can never be a mother again, so when I was pregnant as a Dark One...I killed mine and Killian's baby because you showed me, that it deserves better than me. You all never even noticed since I didn't die from stabbing myself...one of the benefits of being a Dark One, I guess. I was immortal at the time._

_I can't say, that there's been a moment since, that I don't regret it. It haunts me every day. Especially in the Underworld._

_You all thought, that the crib was in my house there because of my bad childhood, but  I always knew better. I knew, that it was supposed to be a reminder of my baby, that I killed._

⏸

Killian can hear Emma crying now and he does too. She never told him about their baby. He wished, that she did, so that they could've shared the burden. He never meant for her to go through that kind of pain alone.

Also he cries for the loss of their baby. He never realized, that he wanted a kid with her until now.

▶️

_And you think, that's all? You're wrong. I don't only blame you for the loss of my second child, but also for my own death as you probably guessed because you're on this tape._

_You also hurt me in another way, mom and that not only once._

_Rejection._

_You made me feel that more than I can count. Here are a few examples:_

_When you revealed in the echo caves, that you wanted to have another child, it hurt me. Sure I could understand it, but it also made me feel like I failed at being your daughter. That is because it was your darkest secret. If it wouldn't have been, I'd probably would have been okay with it._

_But as if replacing me with my little brother wasn't enough...you also replaced me with Regina, who's been your enemy for so long, but still you spend time with her. You worry about her all the time while you ignore me._

_For example...you were so mad at me for not telling you (or anyone) about my vision, but when should I have told you? You were always talking to Regina and trying to make her feel better because she lost Robin._

_When I lost Killian you were always just like...get over it. He's gone. He won't come back. You shouldn't risk anything to get him back._

_You weren't really there for me then. You always judged me about going to the underworld for the man I loved the most. I know that even though you've never really said it out loud. You only came with me because everyone else did. But deep down you thought I was insane._

_One last thing I blame you both for, mom and dad, is the name of my little brother. How could you name him after Neal? Or how could you want me to get back with him while he was still alive?_

_After all Neal did to me?_

_You couldn't have been serious?!_

_Maybe you never really understood what he did completely, but you will. Soon._

_Turn over the tape for mine and Neal's story._


	3. Cassette 1: Side B

Welcome back. It's very smart of you to keep listening to this since you know, that it won't be pretty for you, if you stop. 

As I already said this tape is centered around Neal Cassidy or as most of you know him Baelfire. 

I know he's dead, but that doesn't mean, that  I ever fully forgave him for what he did nor does it mean, that I pity him and spare him from spreading his sins. 

You all deserve to know just what kind of man Neal was before his death...

⏸

For a moment Killian hoped, that the second might be about someone else since Neal's dead. He wants to know when it's going to be his turn. He can't take the wait since he really doesn't know, what he's done and he want to know desperately. 

He wants to know in what way he hurt his Swan, so that he can hate himself for it. 

But nonetheless he is curious about what Bae did to his princess. He knows it's bad, but she never told him the whole truth. Only bits and pieces. 

▶️

Once Upon A Time...there was a young girl, who just fled from her previous and last foster home. She's been in a lot of those thanks to her parents abandoning her. 

This girl was me as you might have figured already and I was in desperate need of a roof over my head, so I broke into a car with the intention of stealing it and making it my home. 

However as soon as I started the car I realized, that I wasn't alone in the car. Neal was there too since he'd stolen the car before me. 

I know it sounds weird...I stole a stolen car. 

⏸

There was a slight smile on Killian's face now. He always knew that Emma was a pirate in her own sense. They're both thieves in some way. They're very connected. They're like kindred spirits. 

But not only in that way. They also have similar pasts. They both were abandoned by their parents and they both lost their first love in a tragic way. Also they both are quite familiar with losing people close to them. 

▶️

I was lucky, that he stole the car too since that way he couldn't get me arrested for stealing...or so I thought. 

During the drive in the car we both realized, that we needed it. Neither one of us was going to give up the car, so we stayed together and soon became friends, which didn't last long though since soon I fell for him and I thought he did for me. 

I was genuinely happy for the first time in my life when I was with Neal. I really loved him, but as you already can guess...there's a 'but.' And that 'but' lands Neal on these tapes. He hasn't always been a good man, a hero as you might think. 

⏸

'You're not alone, Swan.' Killian thought to himself. He liked this habit of his, that he started after her death. He often finds himself talking to her in his head. It helps him deal with the fact, that his true love is gone even though it doesn't erase the problem and his pain. 

Killian had spend some time with Neal when he was a kid. He did it for Milah even though she was dead. They always talked about letting him live with them on the Jolly Rodger one day, so that's what Killian did to honor his first love when she was gone. 

At that time Killian never thought, that Neal was capable of being evil, but he hurt Emma and for that Killian hates him now. 

▶️

After Neal and I spent some time thieving, he had the idea to actually stop that one day. He told me, that we should move to Tallahassee and start a future there. The key to that future were a bunch of expensive watches, that he once stole in Portland. 

We really needed the money of those, so he send me to the Portland train station to retrieve a bag with the watches from a locker. He stored it there when he stole them since he was on the run and didn't wanna get caught. 

Once I gave him the watches he told me to keep one of them. As a gift, that we now could afford. At the time I thought it was sweet of him, but now I know better. 

After giving me the watch, Neal told me to get out of the car, so that he can go sell the watches. He pretended, that he didn't wanna get me in trouble and I was pathetic enough to believe him. Now I know, that he never wanted to protect me. 

There was a place we were supposed to meet after he sold the watches, so I went there and waited. Constantly staring at the watch he gave me since he was late. 

An hour after we were supposed to meet I finally took out my phone to call Neal, but nobody answered. A few moments later the police arrived and arrested me for stealing those watches. 

Neal had sent the police an anonymous tip to check the security footage of the train station and information as to where they could find me. They didn't care, that I was innocent. The watch on my wrist was enough prove for them, so I went to prison for 11 months. 

A few weeks in they made me take a pregnancy test because I was constantly throwing up and as you all know, (thanks to the Daily Mirror) the test was positive. I was pregnant with Henry. 

It wasn't the ideal situation. I was 17. All alone. In prison. Scared. But it's not like you cared Neal. All you gave me were the keys to my yellow bug and a key chain with a swan on it. 

I used to wear that one for a long time after prison. It was a reminder to never trust anyone ever again since my life sucked because I trusted you, Neal. 

⏸

Killian remembers that necklace. His Swan used to wear it every day when they met. He always wondered why she stopped wearing it, but now he knows. 

It is because she began to trust him. She loved him and there was reason to doubt his trust for her. He broke down her walls. 

▶️

Because you left me to rot in prison I gave up our son. Henry. Because I believed, that he would be better off without me. 

You didn't love me and my parents didn't love me, so I thought that no one could. 

I actually thought that Henry's life would be better without me in it, but once again I was wrong. But I couldn't know, that he'd end up being the evil queens adoptive son. 

So all in all...you didn't only fail me, Neal. You also failed Henry. 

Then there was a long pause and Killian thought, that the tape was over, but just as he was about to pull out the tape, Emma started speaking again. 

When we met again in New York you actually had the guts to blame me from keeping Henry's existence from you, but I had my reasons. 

Firstly I couldn't tell you since I was in prison and after that i thought it was too late. Also I couldn't find you anyway. I did try for 2 years. 

Secondly I thought, that you didn't deserve to know about our son. He deserves better than you. I'm happy, that he has Killian now and that you're dead. 

And just so you know...if you wouldn't have died, I would have still chosen Killian over you. 

I wish I never met you actually. You only brought me pain and gave me trust issues, which caused me to leave Killian on the bean stalk. 

If you had never been in my life, I would've been with Killian earlier. I would've been brave enough to give him a chance. I would've been happy...


	4. Cassette 2: Side A

_Welcome back. You're probably already wondering who's next, right? Hoping it's you because you want to know what you did? Basically you should all already know what you did, but you obviously never cared enough about me to notice how you hurt me. So here's a tip...everything has consequences. You should never hurt anyone on purpose._

_Normally that's something everyone knows. You don't need anyone to tell you, that you should be nice to other people. But many people don't know this...or don't care about anyone but themselves._

⏸

This made Killian think back to his pirating days. He then used to be very mean and rude to anyone, but he thought that changed when he met Emma.

That obviously isn't the case though. What did he do to his true love? He doesn't remember treating her wrong...

▶️

And as I said the smallest things can hurt people, can have bad consequences. You should really consider this from now on, August.

⏸

Killian balled his hands into fists. He felt like hitting something. He's never had a good feeling about August. And now he likes him even less.

In the past he only didn't like him because of the way he looked at Emma. A way that made Killian always very jealous.

But now Killian has another reason to hate the wooden man child. He hurt his Swan, which caused her death.

▶️

_Our story starts very earlier actually. Don't you think, August?_

_You and me were the only ones to avoid Reginas curse. We traveled to this land in a magical wardrobe and after that we were in the same group home. You were supposed to protect me, to be by my side, to be my friend. At least that's what you promised your father._

_But you failed that promise. You failed him. And you failed me._

_The group home we were in wasn't nice. It sucked there, but you still decided to leave me there. I was all alone just because you were too much of a coward to stay by my side. You rather wanted a simple life in Phuket with your friends than be with me._

_Maybe you should've just stayed in the Enchanted Forest and be cursed too. Maybe than you wouldn't have turned back to wood. It's your fault. No one else's._

_And if you hadn't wasted that spot on the tree I could've grown up with at least one of my parents. I would've had a far better life._

⏸

So without August Emma might have never stayed the Savior for so long. The Charmings would've found out about the final battle earlier and Killian's Swan might still be alive. She might've found a way to win the final battle.

▶️

_And as you probably figured out by now, August, that wasn't the only time you failed me._

_Do you for example remember the time you told Neal to leave me. Sure it was in the end his fault, but you're guilty too. As I said...small actions can have big consequences._

_So you didn't only mess up my life. You also played a big part in me giving up Henry. If Neal would've stayed, I might've kept my little boy. He deserves better than being abandoned after all. Don't you think?_

_⏸_

Killian knew all too well, what it's like to be abandoned by your parents and his Swan did too, so the pirate can't help but feel bad for the boy, who has become quite an important part of his life.

Henry was still living with Killian regularly. He didn't move to Reginas completely.

That is probably because they need each other's comfort or else they'd go insane. They both miss the Savior terribly.

▶️

_A last failure of yours is also connected to Henry._

_Do you remember when you first came to Storybrooke?_

_Silence._

_I think you do._

_At that time you tried to help me break the curse. Tried being the keyword here, August. You failed to convince me, that the curse was real and that I had to break it. That almost cost my son his life._

_Henry almost died because of you and also because of Regina. But she failed me far more often than you and that story will follow later on._

_Right now we're talking about you August, you might be one of my only friends, but you still failed me. And that hurts a lot._

_If people fail you, whom you don't like a lot it hurts too, but it doesn't have the depth of when a close friend betrays you._

_Killian never liked you, but by then you were already too much of a friend to me. I wish I would've been able to let you go then. I don't need your friendship. I would've been better off without it. I might even be still alive without it._


End file.
